Mars and Venus

Disclaimer: This story is purely fictional and has only fictitious characters who bear no resemblence to anyone dead alive or yet to be born. Please refrain from speculation.

‘This one is the worst I’ve ever seen.’

“…and then she came into my kitchen and yelled ‘Hi’. I was so taken aback that I screamed and threw the salad bowl into the air. I so hate it when people creep up from behind and say something. It was so hilarious all the cabbage was on my hair. I could have passed off for Bozo!…” she giggled to herself.

He stared at her for a moment and realizing he was supposed to react, he smiled.

‘It just gets worse every time doesn’t it?’

“ So what’s up with you? Do you have such crazy embarrassing things happening in your life?”
She dug into her sub as the mayo dripped from the sides.

‘I am getting a bad feeling about how this has been going…’ he stared at his mobile and sighed.

“Well, my friend once took off the signs on the restroom and I walked into the ladies room and literally got beaten by a crummy old hag with a stick. It wasn’t funny then, but I guess it is funny now.” he shrugged.

She laughed with her mouthful almost choking on the banana peppers while he pecked at his pasta. He had almost lost his appetite. She noticed.

“Is something wrong with your ravioli or with you?”

‘How am I going to get myself bailed out this time?’

“Err nothing. I am just not too hungry right now. The ravioli is wonderful.” He dug up a forkful and stuffed it in his mouth to prove the point.

“ Oh ok. I remember once at a restaurant we were served some really rotten cheese and my friend told the maître d' that he should inform the chef that even her dog would not eat that. And he told her….”

‘Should I call Shailesh? Maybe he’ll help me out of this one. He’s such an expert in such situations.’

“…then we planned to walk out of the restaurant after meeting the manager and telling him what a rotten restaurant he has. But he didn’t want us to give his place bad publicity so….”

‘I’ll text message him first.’ He started punching the buttons.

“…and every time we go there we get a little dessert or a discount.”

By now he was totally distracted and did not make any effort to hide it from her.

“Is something bothering you or is it just me?”

His mobile beeped. “I’ll be right back with you in a few minutes.” He rushed clutching his phone to the restroom.

“Would you like to order a dessert tonight Ma’am ?”

“No I’d just like to wait for a while before I decide.” She glanced at her watch once more. He had been in there for over half an hour. She considered requesting the manager to check on him but didn’t want a manager peering at her date in the restroom during their very first meeting.

‘Maybe he had a bad stomach. That explains why he was not eating.’

A few minutes later. ‘What if he stood me up? He could have climbed out of the vent in the restroom and run away. I could tell he was not even interested in me from the beginning. Hah! He didn’t even have the guts or the decency to tell me on my face. Men!’

She signalled the waiter that she wished to pay the bill.

At long last he emerged from the restroom with a sullen face. Seeing the empty table he threw his hands up, “Story of my life. I just lost all my money to the stock exchange and now I lost her too. They somehow sense a pauper. Women!”