What Women Want

Warning: This post has nothing to do with the movie of the same title. Nor does it provide a step by step analysis peering into a woman’s mind. Disappointing, I know. Sorry guys! Also feminist brigades can do well to keep off.

The idea of egalitarianism in our society is quite befuddling. I have often wondered, when we talk about women’s equality or equality of the castes, whether we actually mean equality in the absolute sense of the term or we actually provide them with crutches to “help” them feel equal. I see the latter being the order of the day and there is a supercilious air with which this equality is bestowed upon the “lesser” mortals subtly conveying that “you can never become equal without these crutches”.

What do you feel when you see seats in a public transport bus that say “Only for Ladies”? Does it mean “Ladies, we have tormented you for ages and now as a token of atonement we offer you reserved seats”? Does it mean “Women, you still are like weak dandelions that will get blown away by the fierce wind of a man’s world. So sit down and don’t hurt yourself”? Does it point out, “Females, the harsh reality is that we men are ill-mannered and cannot control the movements of our hands and our eyes. Hence in view of your own safety we suggest you sit down separately.”? I have come across seats reserved for the elderly and disabled persons in the buses in UK and even a special area for buggies but never seats reserved for women. So is this what we are really looked forward to as equity in our country?

The other day as I was taking the public transport to office, I did not find a seat while some blokes were occupying the seats meant for ladies. A lady, who herself was seated, started arguing with the men seated in the reserved section and pointed out to me as a victim of their incivility. She wanted me to join her Mahila Mukti Morcha Andolan and claim what was lawfully mine. I simply stood spectator. There was another incident where a friend of mine demanded that her colleague should be chivalrous enough to offer her his seat and reproached him for his thoughtlessness. It goes for all the acts of chivalry and many women outright demand it: we love to dump our heavy shopping bags on the men while our hands remain free to twirl our locks and adjust our makeup, we expect them to open the Bulund Darwazas for us while we make our regal entry like Queen Victorias (we could do with some applause as well), we demand that they draw our chairs out so we can place our fragile bottoms on those exquisite cushions at fluffy sounding restaurants and yet we’d like ourselves and the men around us to believe that we are superwomen! I am rather amused at the dichotomous stand that we women take on what we believe is equality and I surmise many men are quite bemused too. I am not too surprised that we do not get what we really need because we are not clear about it ourselves! We expect reservations right from seats in the buses, to engineering colleges to parliaments and yet we want to be judged on level playing field and be awarded promotions and raises at par with men. I do not have problems with engineering and medical colleges solely for women or the fact that women’s tennis is played as best of three instead of best of five. These cases accept that there are areas where women have niche skills even though nature has not endowed them with the physical prowess of men.

Breaking the proverbial glass ceiling has become an obsession for women’s lib brigades. Why don’t they accept that some women out of their own choice would like to quit their high profile careers to devote time for the family? Why are women, who choose to stay at home and become “mere” housewives, looked upon with derision for having “wasted their qualifications and professional degrees”? Isn’t liberation all about volition even if you choose the same path your grandma was forced to take? I think the most memorable scene in the movie Mona Lisa Smile is when Katherine Watson (Julia Roberts), a feminist arts professor at Wellesley women’s college, is shocked by her best student’s decision to settle into family life. Katherine did not realize that in her ambitious plans for her bright student she was treading on the latter’s right to choose family over career. Although the movie was very pro-feminist, it did not show either the career woman or the housewife as a winner or a loser. Instead it just questioned their ideologies. Perhaps it is time women just sat back and asked themselves what they really want rather than live life in one big blur of time and fighting the wrong battles in their lives.