What's up doc?

Strange things happen in the medical world, but stranger are the denizens of the medical world. I visited a general physician today, to check up my foot problem. He is a very amiable and familiar person in our locality and we have consulted him on several occasions in the past including the time I was bitten by some unidentified creature leaving two fang marks on my foot and the time I was bitten on my hand by an unidentified human being! What is with all the biting around?

This time an unidentified pointed object lodged itself into the sole of my foot causing a minor swelling. I was rather concerned that a small white spot was developing into it, so I walked into our friendly neighborhood GP’s clinic. He began his friendly chat with small talk in Marathi. I cut to the chase because I was supposed to be on my way to the office in another half hour. I stated in clear terms how the problem came to be and voiced my concern about the probable infection.

The doctor frowned and asked me, “Are you feeling feverish?”
“No.”
“Do you feel cold since the past few days?”
“Well the weather is pretty chilly nowadays isn’t it?”
“Do you keep shivering all the time?”
‘Eh? I would, if I came out into the cold without a sweater!’ I shrugged.
By now I was pretty much worried about where this conversation was heading.
“Are you on any medication?”
“No.” I eyed him with suspicion.
Then he picked up the torch and stared down my gullet. Nodding in a rather concerned manner he said, “Your throat is pretty inflamed.”
“Yes. I had a cold last week and I am having a cough now.”
“Right. So what did you take for it?”
“Nothing. Just vitamin tablets and hot milk.”
Wow! A poke on my foot can cause me fever and a sore throat? Must be one of those holistic medical principles.
Then he walked into his medical counter and started rummaging for some pills.
Yipes! He was getting serious, but I wondered if he heard my real problem. I was trying to replay the conversation mentally and figure out how “foot” got replaced with “throat”. I was even trying to figure out if “throat” in Marathi sounded like “foot” in English.
He was back with his trademark neatly folded paper packet of pills.
“Have this twice a day (or was it once I can’t remember from the stupor) for the next three days.”
I was stumped for words and was wondering how old he must be to get senile.
“Do you have an earache?”
“I had a scratchy ear last week from the cold.”
“Ahh a cold huh? So did you go out of town for a vacation?”
“No. I was right here.”
A cold from out of town can cause a swelling in my foot? Wow! How the medical world has progressed! Perhaps he can tell I went for a long drive out of town last week by staring at my tonsils, or the sole of my foot. Yes foot! Right! I want to talk about my foot.
“Come and see me on Thursday after you are done with the pills.”
He stood up to lead me to the door but I remained seated and refused to budge. I was not going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he could be deaf or senile or that he was trying to humor me with some placebo. I am not a hypochondriac: I don’t need to be humored with vitamin pills!
I showed him the sole of my foot and asked him, “What about my foot?”
He took a cursory glance at it and said, “Ohh that’s a corn. Just soak your feet in saline water for an hour. It hurts doesn’t it? Don’t run around too much.”
He smiled as I walked in a dazed state to the door. “Come back on Thursday and I’ll tell you if you need more medication.”

I laughed all the way home and narrated the incident to my parents. My dad said, “Perhaps he has been treating too many chikangunya patients these days. Maybe he thinks you’ve got it because of a mosquito bite on your foot!”