Achtung Baby!

When my mom sees DJ flip channels at the rate of 16 channels per second and ends up watching a flickering screen she thinks our whole generation suffers from chronic ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). But that isn’t my point. In these days of miniscule attention spans we constantly need something new for our disport. Certainly there isn’t a dearth of specimens to fuel our attention deficiency. Sample these:

Scene 1:
Location: Family restaurant

People are quietly minding their businesses and enjoying their meals. Suddenly out of the blue, “WOHOHAHAHH” rends the tranquility. Everyone turns in unison towards the direction of explosive laughter. Guy-who-believes-in-“live-implementation”-of-ROTFLOL continues to clench his stomach and erupt with laughter exhibiting what a chewed piece of paneer looks like in the human facial orifice. Despite sensing the disgusted pairs of eyes boring into him, he nonchalantly returns a you-did-not-hear-the-joke-losers look to his inadvertent audience and turns back to his group with the you-did-not-get-the-joke-losers look. While the “sad-sacks” around prefer not to display the process of ingestion to others, he ensures that such spasmodic outbursts ruin others’ appetite. So much for getting the entire restaurant to believe that he is gag-bag Tommy Cooper reborn!

Scene 2:
Location: Bus (it’s one place replete with interesting anecdotes)

I am busy staring out of the window into nothingness and a co-passenger plonks herself next to me, ears wired to her new iPod and hands shuffling through the pages of Pride and Prejudice. Obnoxious music blares from the ear phones enough to shatter my ear drums: I wondered if hers had already exploded. She fidgets with the iPod to change her play-list and tries to resume reading page 10. I adjust to the remix of radio-mirchi and crazy-frog and finally give in to exhaustion. Almost an hour later, she is still on page 10 and still on crazy frog. So much to have me believe that she is interested in English classics and English music!

Scene 3:
Location: Office campus

Gajagamini walks by in a tight fitting top with her flab oozing from every conceivable part of her anatomy err that should be morphology. Her hair streaked in an ungainly blonde and gogs perched on her head to protect her pea brain from getting scorched. Heads turn at every corner that she treads, her nose up in the air she struts around making a new fashion statement, “If you lack it, flaunt it”. One of the male heads that turned, asks, “Was that Tuntun redux?” So much for being the momentary cynosure of all eyes!

Scene 4:
Location: Cubicle

Bonded-laborer-of-the-IT-industry(BLII) 1 screams and gesticulates across the room, “Hey BLII 2 send across that design document. Make sure you zip them with the reports version 1.2 and also send the presentation from last week trainings. Don’t forget to send the MOM of yesterday’s meeting A-SAP.” Right, we all know you have been busting your butt sending forwards and listening to Kajarare all this while. So much for “visibility” and a great appraisal!

They all grab your eyeballs, tympanum membranes and injure your aesthetic senses successfully: 15 micro-seconds of glory to them and 15 minutes of misery to all. Seeking attention isn’t something new to the human society. We always sought a human feedback, approval, appreciation and acceptance for our thoughts and actions. Although it seems inherently human to do so, inordinate ostentation to sate one’s self-consuming narcissism is a crass way to prove one’s class. For most people it doesn’t suffice to possess something and cherish it, they need to strut their stuff and derive a great vicarious thrill of having made it covetous for others. But that’s not what amuses me. It is those people who pretend to have “it” and love to scream from the rooftops to prove that they do. It does quite remind me of the Emperor’s new clothes. I’d love to see which little kid comes along and tells them that they are naked.